Ok, I have been collecting little tidbits of humor for a while now, and I think this post is finally long enough to share. Try to imagaine the circumstances as you read the words, because if I took the time to lay the scene for you, it would suck the funny right out. Some of you may recognize some of them. Laugh again, anyway.

“Do not thump my breasts. These are the breasts of life.” Spoken to Batman on April 30, 2007
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Words from Drama May 2007: “I love you back. This is a boogie from my ear.” Now I am sure to her, the two were not part of the same conversation, but since she said them one right after the other, it was pretty hilarious to me.
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“I have a red mold (mole) on my ear.” This tidbit brought to you by Stuntman, from way up in a tree.
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So, Batman just looked at me and said, “I’ll screw you!” After I picked my jaw up off the desk (and man did it hurt when it hit), I noticed he had the control to my griddle, and was going “zzttt, zzzttt”. So, ok, in the fist of a 6 year old, it does look amazingly like an electric screwdriver.
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My boys informed me that they had named their collective bits “Aunt Dorothy”. And also, their butts are “Chuck”.
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POTS!! When given as a parental directive, it means “stop and back up.” Accompanied by “pans”, it means “stop and take a nap”.
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Diva: the symbol for males has an arrow because their brains have left the planet.
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“I can jog to Wal-Mart!”, says Spidey. Because if you get new shoes and those new shoes happen to be “Vans”…… you can use your vans to go to Wal-Mart. See?

And every little princess should have a pair.

Don’t you think so? Yep, that’s Drama–see the long hair?

Not to be confused with Batman.

I found this video yesterday when I was doing some clean-up, and I don’t think I’ve ever shared it here. Back last fall, when the other kids were in football and cheerleading, they had to do pushups, and she just had to get in on the action.

She looks like such a baby there, but she’d not such a baby anymore. Yep, DaBaby is taking those first fateful steps on the potty training journey. Do you realize I have been dealing with diapers daily for 14.5 years? And for two years a few years before that? It’s hard to fathom that there might be a time in the very near future when diapers are not a part of my life. The mind boggles, I tell ya.

Not that I’m not already making plans to move her out of my room and all. Just sayin’

She’s wearing “wee-wear” about half the time now, and when my pocket trainers get here, we’ll go full time. I took this picture on one of the first days she went diaper free. She had run out of undies and we were reduced to wearing just shorts. In fact, this was the day I called Mama and asked her to bring me some when she got off work.

Last night, I went over to my mom’s to help her sort some stuff (read that yarn) she’s planning to sell at the estate sale at Grandmother’s next month. Hmm, can’t really call it Grandmother’s estate sale, can we?? Even though that’s what it really is. Weird the way words are, huh? Anyway, while I was there the KITT movie came on, and since I had planned to watch it from the time I heard the first commercial, I parked (hahahahah, parked) myself on the couch beside my daddy and we watched KITT. Umm, ya’ll, I love that car. I have loved that car for 25 years. And if you doubt the fervor with which I adore this car, I say it the same way I say blue-faced leicester. Yeah, like that.I would totally marry that car, ok? Do you realize I have yet to say the name of the movie? That’s because I don’t know it, but I know the name KITT, don’t I? So, my point is that it doesn’t matter what the movie was called, once I heard the name KITT, I was hooked.

Now that was kinda funny, and a way to introduce you to a program called lifelock. Lifelock protects you from identity theft. It’s keeps your good name in good standing. Let me give you a more realistic example of what a good name means. My grandparents lived in a very small town. I had gone to see them one day, and I needed gas to get back home, so I pulled into the gas station. I was about 16 or 17 years old, and I had a checking account because I had a job, and this was back in the day, yk? I lived in a small town, too, about an hour away. (It’s maybe worth noting that I now live in the same town, only it’s much larger and only 45 minutes away, but their town is the same size, LOL.) Anyway, I pumped my gas and went in to pay and the clerk said “we don’t take out of town checks.” Well, oops, the gas had already been pumped. I looked him right in the eye and said “My granddad’s name is R—– C—–, and I’m here almost every week to see him”, and the clerk said “that will be fine then”, and he took my check based on Granddad’s good name and reputation. That’s the kind of legacy a person can have. ( I’ll also add that it’s a big legacy to live up to, but I’ll do that on another day ;))

Of course, today, it’s a different world, and people like to steal your good name, and when they do, you can bet it’s ruined. An organization like lifelock can prevent that, and they can also protect your children’s identities, too. Oh yeah, kids are also vulnerable. Their credit is guaranteed clean, see. That’s a scary thought, but there are people out their who will take a child’s name and SSN and use it and ruin it before they are even old enough to drive, let alone get credit.

Now, back to helping Mama with her yarn. If you’ve been reading for more than a day or two, you know I have a pink problem. A problem with pink. An issue with yarns of the hue of deliciousness. So, there was this bin of yarns, mostly acrylic, and even some kinds I hate, and it was all pink, and there it was, and it was so beautiful in it’s pinkness, and somehow I ended up asking for that bin of assorted pinkish yarns, and last night while I was watching my dream man car, I kinda started a blanket out of those assorted pink yarns. Sigh. Another WIP. But at least it’s pink!

Ooh La la, but Batman has had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day! Yes indeedy, Bob, he has. It started last night around midnight, when he puked. Out of the blue, for no apparent reason, just hurl. He spent the rest of the night camped out by my bed, but was up and around with his bedroll already cleaned up before I even rolled over this morning, bragging to his sibs about how he got fruit snacks in the middle of the night. (BTW, You can really gross out the rest of your kids if you look in the front loader and say something like, “oh, look, Batman had corn for dinner.” Not that I would do that. Unless the opportunity presented itself.)

Then, this morning, after years of being told NOT to throw things in the house, he launched a Tupperware container at Stuntman. Unfortunately for Batman, Stuntman ducked and that container hit the sliding glass door “just so”, and shattered the inner panel. If you have ever wondered just how much glass there is in a sliding glass door, let me show you.

This much.

To wrap up his 18 hours of misery, we went through his mountain of clothing. I kid you not, the pile covered his bed and was over a foot deep. After returning what belonged to his brothers (and a couple of things belonging to his baby sister), we sorted his stuff until all his drawers open and close freely. Enh, I can’t really call that misery, as he was pretty happy with the end result.

So I went bowling just like I said. It was fun, just as expected. Next month, the youth have voted to have a lock in. Umm, yay??? Can’t wait to lay on the cold hard floor and not sleep. On the plus side, I’ll be making tacos to feed us all, and by all, I mean our kids and the kids from another area church. Yummm, love tacos. Tacos make me happy on the inside, LOL!

As for the gross, we watched the Guinness World Record Show last night. I think it’s telling that Dh and I spent the time shuddering and asking “WHY on EARTH would someone do that”???? while Country and Diva spent it saying “cool”. Also, when the people ate the worms, we both looked away. UGH!

As for crafting, yes, there was some last night. I’m thinking that this project will probably NOT be finished by the 31st. If that’s the case, I plan to pick up Drama’s Wallaby and knock it on out for February’s FO. I think I am going to end up knitting the sleeves flat and seaming them. That’s ok, I don’t mind seaming, and knitting flat and seaming is just as quick for me as using DPNs, which I don’t have in a 6 anyway

Tomorrow, I have an agenda. It doesn’t include much stitching, nor does it include shopping for Chrysler 300 accessory packs. That would fall under hobby and craft supplies, now wouldn’t it? And I’m not doing that, remember? No, tomorrow, we have a youth event. We will be meeting at the church for a study and lunch, and then we will go bowling. I would love to say I look forward to beating some teenage booty but the truth is, they are just as likely to mop the place up with me as I am with them.

A long time ago, a dear friend of mine used to say “teenagers are such neat people”, and at the time, I thought she was…pie in the sky, but I decided when TheClone moved home that it was a great attitude to try out, and I found that it was true. I liked the teens and the teens liked me, and I still do and they still do, and you know what? Teenagers are really neat people. I’m going bowling with a bunch of them tomorrow.

That would be me, over Garth Brooks. Only now I have kids. Kids with noisy toys. And they will climb up into my lap while I am trying to listen to and watch The Great Garth in concert on television. And they will push the buttons on these noisy toys. And this will cause me to mutter things under my breath. Not cute, not cute at all.