sticks, beads and strings
make wonderful, beautiful things

Embracing My Crafty Self

The other day, I was in Wal-Mart.
No, that’s not the surprise. I know I am always at Wal-Mart.

I was with my mother.
No, that’s not the surprise either. I am always with my mother, and I know you wish you were, too.

We were in the craft department.
No surprise there either.

We were looking at beads, and I said, “I hate me”. Whoa and back up. I thought about that for 2 nanoseconds, and I said, “No, that’s not true. I LOVE my crafty, creative self, but I don’t like it when I have no self control.”

And see, that’s where that “use it” philosophy is coming from. The fact that I love, love, love to create, but I really need to practice impulse control. And sure, craft supplies cost money, which is scarce just now (Thank God for back to school time and tax free weekend and all those new but broken computers because it means work for dh and we may soon be back on an even keel.), but that’s not the biggest part. More than money, space is at a premium, and so is the guilt I am willing to carry.

When I see all this stuff, I feel guilty. Guilty that it takes up so much room. Guilty that I spent so much money. Guilty that I don’t take more time for myself so I can use it. Guilt that I am not using the talents and skills I have been blessed with. Yes, I feel guilty for that. I am a self-conscious Southern introvert living an extroverted life. Guilt is my stock in trade. I eat, sleep and breathe guilt. If it is possible to feel guilt over something, I do. Guilty, guilty, guilty.

And so, part of the motivation behind not buying more stuff just now, and using what I have is to purge the guilt associated with a 20 year stock-pile of stuff. And after I do that, I can fully embrace love and nurture my crafty creative self.

PS: please excuse this maudlin post. It;s what middle aged women do. We analyze, we discover and then we feel compelled to share. Blah.

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